From the time Anya came into my life…. I was preparing myself for the day we would discuss “adoption”… the fact that she is not my biological child…. I always wondered what words… what expressions… what phrases would be ideal for her four year old mind to grasp the fact that even though she is not born from my stomach…. she is born from my heart…. I was always apprehensive that no such discussion should have an impression on her mind or heart in a manner that affects her growth and her personality and our bond of love and trust.
It had been almost nine months…. and we spoke many times about Arampur…. the place she has come from…. but we never spoke about “the” topic… and finally the time came…. when Anya n I broached the sensitive topic…
It was her bedtime… and we follow a ritual… we read one or two stories from the book she selects… then we switch off the light with only her “flower” lamp on… now we either recollect what we have read or we talk about the day, discuss issues of why she was angry in the day or what happened at school or I just narrate another story with fictional characters like Monu the monkey and Chingu the Mouse… that we have created… which is followed by a song or a lullaby and finally Anya dozes off…
This night’s ritual started similarly… but after the lights were switched off… and both of us were in the hugging and kissing mood… suddenly she asked…..
“Mumma main aapke pet mein kab thi?”
For a second I froze… then I thought… this is the moment I have to seize it…I smiled and said ….. “Beta aap mere pet mein nahi they”
She looked confused….
I said “aap kissi Aur ke pet mein they”
I realized I have used the wrong words “Kissi aur”… inspite of all the talk on Purnank and all the coaching to use the right language… by my dear friend Sangeeta ☺… when the moment comes the right words fail yu….
Anya asked “kisske?”
And I corrected “aapki Mumma ke”
Again she looked confused…
I said “pata hai aapki do mumma hai.. kyunki aap special ho na… ek mumma Jinnke aap pet mein they.. fir ye mumma (pointing towards me… and by this time she was lying on top of me)…
Her eyes became big “Meri do mumma hain?”
I said “yes aapki do mumma hain”…
She asked “wo mumma kahan hain?”
I said “wo mumma star bann gayi” (Coz I know she is no more)
She said “Nanu ke jaise star bann gayin??” (I lost my Dad about 2 months prior to this night)….
I said “yes… that’s why she told me to take care of yu.. and love yu because I wanted yu”
She asked “par na… main aapke pet mein kyun nahi thi?”
I was stuck… desperately struggling to give her a convincing answer… her big eyes were looking into mine innocently… almost reaching into my heart….and by now she was touching my face lovingly… “bolo na”….
I also touched her face and said “ aap mere pet mein Issliye nahi they kyunki I have a problem in my stomach… that’s why the other mumma was so nice to keep you in her stomach for me…” (I chose to say this cos I am already in my peri-menopause phase and i don’t think I can bear a child any more)
I could see Anya was trying to process the information as she kept repeating all these questions again and again… and I kept answering the same thing…. then she asked
“Fir aap mujhe kaise laayin?”
I said “Arampur se… aapki mumma star banne se Pehle aapko wahan chhod ke gayin thi… mere liye”
Then she started asking about others…
“ aap kisske pet mein thin??
Praveen bhaiya (my driver) kisske pet mein tha??
Poornima Didi (her Nanny) kisske pet mein thi??”
To all these questions I patiently kept replying …. “Wo apni mumma ke pet mein they”…… I told her “ main Nani ke pet mein thi… aur aapki mausi bhi Nani ke pet mein thi”
Then she asked Bhoomika (her friend) kisske pet mein thi….
I told her “Bhoomika apni mumma ke pet mein thi”…
She asked “ usski mumma star nahi bani?” and I told her no… sabki mumma star nahi bannti… and I immediately reiterated that since Anya is special she has 2 mummas…
Then I gave her the theory that there are different kinds of families… some where kids have one mumma.. and some have two… also some families have papa and some don’t… (I am a single mother)
She had many questions…. She wanted to know when will she have a baby in her stomach.. I told her when she grows up…
Then she asked me when will she become a Star… when will I and Nani become a star???…. I kept explaining to her that all have different timings to become a star..
Trust me I had to dig out the deepest philosophy of life from within and share it with her in the simplest of words…..
And then after some time when I felt she was relaxed n playful I started singing the lullaby and she slept….. (to be continued…..)
**** The names of people and Places have been changed to respect the privacy of the person and the sensitivity of the subject…